


I need a friend who knows no mercy

by Ellstra



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Dehydration, Distrust, Fear, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Kidnapping, M/M, Partner Betrayal, Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-14
Updated: 2016-09-14
Packaged: 2018-08-15 02:02:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8037850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ellstra/pseuds/Ellstra
Summary: First Order regulation days off are punishment for Hux. One of them turns out to be hell on Earth more than he anticipated and he reaches rock bottom in the hands of a madman who seems to know more about Hux's relationship with Kylo Ren than Hux knows - or allows himself to admit.





	I need a friend who knows no mercy

**Author's Note:**

  * For [solohux](https://archiveofourown.org/users/solohux/gifts).



> Based on a text post by [Solohux](http://solohux.tumblr.com/). Officially my first long one-shot. (18k words? Scary af) I feel like I've read some parts of this maybe a million times. How do you even edit something this long? Please enjoy the suffering.  
> The title is a translated line from the lyrics of the song "Bring mich nach Hause" by Wir sind Helden.

Hux didn’t like taking vacations. He never really knew what to do with his time when he wasn’t working and his idleness was trying to kill him, Hux was sure of that. He wouldn’t take any days off if he dared, but resting was supposed to be necessary for working efficiently and although Hux disagreed with that theory, he wasn’t going to risk getting suspended. So he always gritted his teeth and endured the frustrating week.

He was displeased to learn that the dreaded and hated time of the year was upon him again. He thought that his vacation time came in the most inopportune moment until he remembered that he was _always_ drowning in work and every moment was unfortunate in regard of him interrupting his focus. Hux was conscientious enough to truly force his mind not to wander to his responsibilities but it was torture and left him exhausted. Hux grumbled quietly under his breath while he packed what he might need. He decided to spend his vacation on Coruscant and planned to find some hotel that was way too eccentric for him, and overindulge in expensive food and ridiculous beauty and health procedures and put it on the First Order expenses list in hope of provoking Snoke to make an exception out of the holiday duty for him.

Kylo was somewhere off on a mission - Hux couldn’t shake the feeling that Snoke called him away on purpose when Hux was to take a week off to make sure the General suffered in solitude. Hux made a mental note to buy the most expensive, rarest whiskey the Corellians had ever produced as a special fuck you to Snoke. Hux didn’t like the dependency he had developed towards Kylo but he decided it was better than drinking himself into addiction. Ren was a good lover, Hux mused, a skilled and gifted one, and a hell of a kisser. Hux never really liked kissing but Kylo was insistent they try it, and Hux was taken aback by how good it felt to kiss Ren. He had realized he enjoyed cuddling and snogging Ren as much as he liked to be fucked by him and he didn’t really know what to do with that piece of information. Eventually, he came to the conclusion that he had been denying himself things he wanted his whole life; he could afford one indulgence.

He had grown rather accustomed to having Ren at his side more often than not and it caught him off guard when Kylo told him he would be gone for at least a month, just when Hux started to think maybe this vacation wouldn’t be as horrible as the others. He tried to appear he didn’t care all that much but he could tell he didn’t fool Ren; the sex they had afterwards was gentle and desperate and took ages as if Kylo was hiding something from Hux and was trying to make up for it. Hux tried to pretend he was okay with it.

He wasn’t. He found a bottle of lube and looked at it with longing and sorrow that wasn’t good at all. He wanted to have Kylo close. Maybe he was pathetic but he had hoped vacations could turn out to be a good thing if he had his favourite bodypillow in his embrace when he fell asleep. Hux threw the lube in the suitcase angrily and zipped the luggage closed. He didn’t need Ren; they were having sex and it was pleasant and sometimes Hux let Ren stay over for the night but there was nothing more than that. Maybe a little but it wasn’t like they lived together. Kylo just moved his Darth Vader mask to Hux’s quarters because he could meditate while Hux worked. Companionship. He could stop whenever he wanted. If he decided to hire a hooker, he could and it was his right to do so. Maybe he should.

Hux pretended not to notice Phasma’s amused smile as she caught a glimpse of him with his pathetic First Order issued suitcase heading for the hangar. He boarded a shuttle that was to take him to the planet and got a glass of whiskey as soon as they left the hangar and he was officially on a vacation. Later he stood up and changed into his civilian clothes; they felt strangely soft and yielding on him as usual.

The planet was like Hux remembered it, busy, unnecessarily cheerful and full of people. Hux didn’t really like people but, funnily enough, he was nervous without them around. Once he tried to take his holiday on a nice, quiet planet, thinking he wanted to escape the crowds until he realized he kept looking around himself, searching for the omnipresent swarming of bodies. He never tried to seek solitude again.

The hotel he had picked was easy to find. It was the biggest, loudest, shiniest place Hux had ever seen and it disgusted him. He sneered when he thought of the people who spend their money in this facility until he realized he was one of them. This close, the place looked even more intimidating than it did on the picture he found on holonet, and Hux was seriously considering running off. He was eyeing the building nervously when a man in livery approached him.

“Mr Hux?”

Hux shuddered at the title; he hadn’t heard it in years. He had been General Hux for years, and several other military ranks before that. He didn’t know if he even was still a mister. Maybe it expired, like a licence into a library. If it did, Hux was sure his was several years due for extension.

“Yes?”

“I am to escort you to your room. Please follow me.”

There was something off about the man but as soon as Hux tried to assess what it was, he smiled reassuringly, took hold of Hux’s suitcase and lead the way in the general direction of the hotel, and Hux’s worry dissipated. There was nothing to fear, of course. He had never been in a hotel where people got taken directly into their rooms but then again, he had never allowed himself much luxury besides vintage alcohol and expensive cologne and perfume. For all he knew, people got servants to taste their food for them in places like this.

The man approached a speeder, opened one of its doors and put Hux’s suitcase inside, motioning for the General to enter it as well. Hux felt a twinge of mistrust again as he noticed the speeder didn’t carry the emblem of the hotel until it dawned on him that people paying this much to stay somewhere might want to stay discreet. He took the seat the man showed him.

The journey took longer than Hux had expected. They got stuck in traffic from time to time, sometimes coming nearly into contact with vehicles driven by lifeforms of questionable repute, but they kept moving. Hux wondered why they took so long when he had nearly entered the hotel, and he was close to asking when he wondered whether this was some sort of test to weed out the outsiders who didn’t know much about the society that usually inhabited places like this, and he stifled the question in his throat, not daring to ask.

“The hotel is rather vast and most of its facilities are not openly signed as such. We want to give our clients some privacy while they enjoy their stay,” the man informed Hux after a while.

Hux hoped it meant he passed the _Are you an intruding idiot?_ test well but to make sure, he added: “I figured as much.”

“We’re almost there.”

Almost there eventually lead to twenty minutes and Hux was sweating slightly at the end of the journey; he couldn’t quite fathom why. It was the sort of cold, nervous sweat one can’t avoid before a battle or a speech to the masses. Hux was a little miserable about the holiday but this reaction was peculiar. Perhaps he was getting sick and would spend the whole vacation lying feverish in bed. He had had worse holidays than that.

The speeder stopped in front of an inconspicuous building that could have been anything from a warehouse to an opium den. Hux tried to carry his suitcase but the man didn’t let him. They entered the building, the door clicked closed behind them and lights on the ceiling blinded Hux. Before he could realize what was happening, he felt a sting in his neck and finally understood what his body had been telling him for a while now.

He lost consciousness almost immediately.

…

Hux woke up tied down to a cot that alarmingly resembled the ceramic tables in dissecting rooms Hux had seen during his years at the Academy. There were even the grooves around the sides that took away blood. Hux hoped it wouldn’t be his blood trickling down towards the gouges but he wouldn’t bet his life on it. He couldn’t move; his limbs were bound with three restraints each, there were binds around his torso, one over his neck that pressed uncomfortably against his Adam’s apple, and one across his forehead.

Hux tried to inspect the room given the information his senses offered him even in this compromised state. The previously blinding light was dimmed down and gave the room eerie quality. The ceiling was painted white but there were darker, yellowish stains and long, cracked fissures spattered all over it. There was the faint smell of decay and mould in the air, almost entirely overlapped by a sharp, stinging reek of disinfectant.

“Ah, you’re up,” the man that had approached him earlier came into Hux’s field of vision. He was wearing something that - as much as Hux tried to deny it - looked like an attire a butcher might wear to work. “I apologize for the fear-suppressants and sedatives I used but I couldn’t afford your struggle.”

Hux blinked a few times in attempt to discern what the man was talking about. Then it dawned on him - the cold sweat and the worries that were dismissed way too easily.

“You must be wondering how I did it,” the stranger went on, checking the restraints as if he feared Hux might have worked himself free while he was gone. Hux didn’t dignify his question with an answer.

“It’s in my cologne. Very useful little thing, very rare, sort of illegal. It took me a lot of time to get used to its effects but I managed and it was so worth it.”

Hux stared impassively at a big stain on the ceiling as if there were the answers to all the big questions of the universe written there.

“It doesn’t have any side-effects or long-lasting impacts on your health,” the kidnapper went on, “at least they haven’t discovered any yet.”

_Overly dramatic with a thing for theatrics_ , Hux thought, _this may probably be used against him_.

"You've been disturbingly quiet, General," the man said as he circled the cot Hux was strapped to, "no 'who are you?' or 'what do you want?'"

"I don't feel the need to question scum. It always talks on its own accord," Hux retorted.

"You're funny," the kidnapper said, "I like that in a man."

Hux felt no need to respond so he glared at the man instead.

"You see, I'm a man of certain interests," the scoundrel said and let the words hang in the air for Hux to get scared by them. Hux didn't move a single muscle.

"I collect valuable things, you see? Art, wine, foods. It's a good way to spend one's money and time when he has abundance of both. But as the saying goes, need makes greed, and I found myself in need of more credits. And I got this brilliant idea – I kidnap someone valuable and trade them for my collectibles."

Hux burst out laughing at that, the notion of someone finding him valuable was ludicrous to the point of him not believing someone could mean it.

"And you plan on selling me to whom exactly? If that's not too bold of me to ask."

"There's plenty of options and maybe I'll let you choose," the man offered, obviously not bothered by Hux's reaction, "I could try to give you to the Resistance. I'm sure they'd be jumping for joy to have you but they're not, let's face it, the classiest sort of people there is. They wouldn't be able to offer much and they certainly wouldn't be nice to you. And I must say, I owe you more than a certain execution. You've raised my collection's worth quite a bit. No one's ever going to make more wine on Hosnian Prime or paint the sunset on Hosnian Gamma, and I happen to possess just these articles. So no, not to the Resistance.”

“Then there’s the First Order.” There was a pause in which the stranger eyed Hux curiously. “How much do you think the Order values you, General?"

"I am quite sure you already have an answer to that ready as well," Hux sneered. He was good at that, showing derision and contempt when he probably shouldn't.

"As it happens, I do. I've made evaluation of how much you were worth prior to your... Retrieval. The First Order is without a commanding officer with you gone, and from what I've learnt about military strategy, that's not a good thing. On the other hand, you've failed quite spectacularly those months ago when you allowed your monstrous weapon to blow up under your feet. I wouldn’t be very happy if I were your superior, if I may say so."

Hux wouldn't have reached his position if he lashed out whenever someone insulted him or mentioned some of his missteps. He wasn't Ren.

"I wonder how many men are looking for you right now. Two? Three? I've heard you don't play particularly well with others."

"Does this speech have a point?" Hux asked bitterly, feigning boredom.

"I bet you think your partner in crime is looking for you," the scoundrel said, impassive to Hux's words again, "I bet you think he's turning over every single stone there is in the galaxy to find you."

Hux hoped the man wasn't force-sensitive. As much as he tried to hide his reactions, he was quite sure some of his fear leaked out of him. The horror that the man knew about Hux's hope for Kylo to come rescue him was almost palpable in the air.

"That's right, your friend Kylo Ren," the scoundrel nodded. Obviously Hux hadn't been as subtle as he thought. “Or should I say your sweetheart?”

The man played with a datapad for a moment before showing Hux a picture. The General cringed and bit his lip. It must have been taken during the dinner Kylo had insisted they have since they knew each other intimately. They were on a shore leave on one planet or other, there wasn’t that much difference between cantinas in space ports. They were leaning towards each other, glasses of ruby red liquid in hands and they looked disgustingly, obviously infatuated with each other.

“Is he your first love? What’s it like in your thirties?”

The picture disappeared from Hux’s field of vision.

“I must admit I find it very sweet. I bet you thought you can avoid the stupid human emotions and entanglements and then he came and turned your head around. It’s like from a holovid.”

Hux felt his cheeks get warmer. Those were not the words he would have used but essentially his captor was right. It was like from a holovid – pathetic and predictable.

“Did you want to take him on this holiday with you?”

Hux closed his eyes. He needed to concentrate, to think, to try to come up with a way of contacting someone, anyone, to come and rescue him. He was a General of the First Order after all. He couldn’t just vanish without anyone noticing.

“I’m afraid I might have something to do with his last mission,” the scoundrel said and shrugged in feigned innocence. Hux’s eyes flew open. “I couldn’t have him with you, could I? It would be complicated, and I didn’t want troubles. The Force is such a fickle thing, you never know when it’s going to attack you.”

“You have no idea how the Force works,” Hux smirked.

“I didn’t know you were such a defendant of it. I heard otherwise.”

“Maybe you heard wrong.”

“Or maybe you’re hoping that if you believe in the Force, you can summon your love to come to your aid.”

Hux didn’t respond to that. Words couldn’t harm him. He had endured so many insults, threats and sneering that he couldn’t be bothered by someone telling him the truth. He could handle the truth. Expecting Ren to come rescue him was nothing out of the ordinary considering their relationship. It was simple after all - if Ren wanted Hux to keep giving him expert blowjobs, he would need to come save Hux’s ass. No feelings or loyalty required.

“Okay, I see you’re not in the mood for chatting,” the man said, “how about we take a while to watch your loverboy fight my men?”

Hux’s eyes widened before he could stop himself from reacting. He could definitely stand words; he wasn’t sure about physical pain but he supposed he would take a while to break as well. But helplessness was another matter entirely. He wouldn’t be able to help Kylo much in a physical fight anyway but at least he’d be there and if he failed, he’d fail because he wasn’t strong enough. But he wasn’t there, he was locked in some rotten basement with a psycho who, for some reason, wanted him to suffer.

“I see you’re up to that,” the man said and clicked on something on his datapad, “I thought you’d appreciate it. It’s artful.”

Hux stared at the screen that was pushed into his field of vision, unable to look away. The picture was slightly blurry and shaky, as if the camera was on a moving object, perhaps a person. There was a glimpse of angry red plasma among the blackness of the rest of the field.

“I must apologize for the quality of the video,” Hux’s kidnapper said, “my men are skilled fighters but they don’t know a thing about making recordings.”

Hux tried to catch a glimpse of Kylo’s mask but it was impossible to recognise in the blur of grey and black.

"It doesn't look good for him, does it?" The rogue said with a mad glimmer in his eyes, "I'm afraid I lured him into a trap."

Hux ignored the words, ignored his own discomfort and fear, ignored everything but the flashing, angry red on the screen. As long as it was moving, Kylo was alright. Not safe, but alive and able to defend himself. Hux wished there was a way to send Kylo strength through the Force.

The red glow disappeared from view and the screen went black. Hux stopped himself from shouting at the man to give the feed back.

"I'm afraid they've taken him already. I wanted to spare you the sight of your beloved being held down and drugged not to struggle."

Hux wanted to spit in the other man's face but his position didn't seem very fortunate for that. He wondered what his kidnapper wanted, exactly. If he wanted credits, there was no need for him to torture Hux. Or maybe, if he wanted to blackmail people by showing that he was capable of anything, it would make sense to beat Hux or cut him. There was no need for Kylo to suffer. Did the man want credits for Kylo too? Was Kylo shown a feed of Hux being taken as well? That wasn't probable, Hux's abduction wasn't even half as dramatic. Cold dread gripped Hux’s spine. This wasn’t about money, no matter what the man said. Maybe there was a reason why he claimed so, but he didn’t want money for Hux. He wanted Hux to break down.

"You're going to set this place on fire with all your thinking," the man smirked, "I wish I was able to use the Force. I want to know what you've puzzled out so far."

"You can't read thoughts like that with the Force. It's just images," Hux corrected him, annoyed.

"That's useful to know. I was worried about your sweetheart rummaging through the thoughts of my men. They're not very clever, I'm afraid."

Hux wanted to stick his head into a garbage disposal and push the button. He got carried away by his emotions and blurted out important information. He prided himself in controlling himself and the situations he was in - he supposed he should go back to that now.

"You can still see a lot from images," Hux said in a bored voice, "where the escape route is, which guard is taking a piss. It's easier with the dim-witted."

"I guess the drugs should keep his mind-tricks at bay. Or maybe the knives will, what do I know?"

Hux tried hard not to think of Kylo drugged - drool spilling from one corner of his mouth, his eyes clouded, unseeing - and failed. He tried to reassure himself that Kylo could maintain control of his mind with the Force even though it sounded too much like wishful thinking.

"I think I still haven't told you my name," the man said, feigning a theatrical gasp, "my apologies."

Hux raised an eyebrow at that, not commenting on the content of the statement or the way it was delivered.

"My name is Eldridge Argent. You probably heard of Virion Argent, my uncle, notoriously famous for his passion for women, whiskey and fast speeders or ships, usually enjoying all three at once."

"Very impressive," Hux said dryly just to focus on something else than the picture of Kylo's body being bruised, bloodied and cut up, if only for a second.

"My Grandfather served on the Death Star with Darth Vader when it was blown up. He made it out without a leg. I'm sure you understand my antipathy towards military leaders."

Hux thought, not for the first time, that the man who kidnapped him was insane. His body language was eccentric, his eyes shiny, his speech too fast and too accented. Everything about him was too much.

"I told you I liked you because you helped me increase my fortune, that much was true," Argent went on, "but as a General commanding a military organization... Well."

Hux finally saw the cogs of the machine that led to this moment click together. This man was insane, hated the military and Hux was the man who commanded a base that met a very similar fate to the one Argent's grandfather was stationed in. Hux wondered what the kriff was up with people obsessing over their grandfathers. Hux had never known his mother's father - he barely knew _her_ , to be fair - and he would have been perfectly fine without ever having had the pleasure of seeing his Father's parents.

"Do you know, General," Argent demanded Hux's attention again. The rank sounded like the worst kind of slur in his mouth. "What it's like to be abandoned? To be unimportant, uncared for, invisible?"

"I've worked very hard not to be either of those things."

"And yet you sentence other people to this fate."

"Obviously. That's how the world works. There have to be thousands of the faceless, nameless for one significant person to stand out."

"Where are your faceless now?" Argent's lips curled into an ugly, terrifying grin. Hux remembered comic books his classmates at the Academy loved. There was a character who grinned much like that before he tortured someone.

"Where is your armour now?" Argent asked, "Who is going to die for you today?"

Hux closed his eyes. He saw Kylo at the back of his eyelids, as clearly as if he were there, tied up and beaten, his face a bloody mess of bones and muscles and ligaments. Hux willed the image to go away but it only twisted into an even more gruesome scene with spilled entrails wrapped around Kylo's neck.

"You're a coward," Argent hissed, "you hide behind other people and talk of sacrifice."

Hux opened his eyes again. He looked at his captor’s hateful face and a wave of red-hot fury surged in him. How dare this nothing, this parody of a man, call him a coward? What had _he_ done in his miserable, pathetic life?

"Who are you to speak with me this way?" Hux spat, "you accuse me of being a coward and what do you do? Drug a man to trick him into coming to your lair and strap him to a table so that he can't move. That doesn't seem particularly brave to me."

Anger flared in Argent's eyes and he struck Hux's face with the palm of his left hand. Hux disliked left-handed people. Most of them were non-conforming and way too creative, which were qualities Hux didn't seek in his subordinates.

"Don't you dare tell me about bravery!" Argent yelled and hit Hux again.

The slaps stung. Hux had not expected the scrawny madman to be this strong.

"Now where were we when you so rudely interrupted me?" Argent asked with a falsely amiable smile, his fury forgotten. Hux recalled his days studying pathological behavioural patterns.

"You were explaining why you told me you kidnapped me for credits to expand your art collection when you're a lunatic who blames me for some old man's lost leg," Hux replied before Argent could answer his own question.

"You're focusing on unimportant things but alright. I am a collector and I could use some credits. I decided to take you, because I hate you and because I can."

"Where's the part where I earn you anything?" Hux frowned.

"I'll have my fun with you and when you get boring, I'll sell you to whoever would have you. If anyone would, that is. To be quite honest, it would surprise me."

Hux didn't want to think about what someone who kidnapped people for his grandfather’s lost leg saw as fun.

"Now, shall we watch another episode from the fascinating life of Kylo in captivity? Perhaps I should make a holoshow from that, don't you think?"

Hux didn't want to watch Kylo drugged or tortured but he knew that if a holoshow was made of it, it would be popular. People liked to watch sick, perverted things, like documentaries about accidents and catastrophies.

"I wonder what's going on with our favourite bad boy," Argent said and it sounded almost like a song, like he was beside himself with joy, "what do you think?"

"He's going to fight his way out and he'll kill everyone who harmed him," Hux said in a convincingly disinterested tone, "but go on, piss him off."

"You talk too much, General," Argent picked up something from a drawer beneath the table and pressed it against Hux’s thigh. Hux's body convulsed with pain as a sharp wave of electricity coursed through him.  

"Now, watch. It's fascinating."

Hux took a few deep breaths as his heart tried to fall back into the proper pace. The pad screen was in front of him again.

"I just got a message that the General is making trouble," a person said. The video had a crackling, static quality to it which frustrated Hux immensely.

"Let's give him a taste of the whip," someone else said and the first person nodded. They parted, the latter stepping aside while the former grabbed something from a nearby table. Hux saw someone crouched by the wall with their hands bound above their head, facing away from the camera. Hux knew without doubt that it was Kylo, stripped naked save for his underwear. Hux’s eyes widened as he saw one of the strangers release a string from his fist, holding onto something Hux couldn't recognize.

There was a crack, a slash of something hitting flesh and a horrible sound of someone in pain. Hux gasped in shock when he recognised the voice.

"Unfortunate, isn't it?" Argent said when Kylo cried for the second time and Hux gritted his teeth in helpless anger. "I must admit I've never been much of a fan of the old-fashioned weapons but this one almost convinced me."

The screen went blank again but Argent still stood leaning a bit too close to Hux.

"Now, what do you say to blowing off some steam?" he asked with the wide, crazy grin. From this close, Hux could see his front teeth had a peculiar, spiky shape. It was disgusting and ridiculous; Hux wondered why he hadn't noticed earlier. “I find hitting something a very good tool for relieving stress.”

Somehow, Hux doubted he would be allowed to hit something. When a hand landed on his cheek again, his worries proved to be true. He moved his head to the side as much as he could. It surprised Argent and he missed, only grazing Hux’s skin with his fingers.

“Oh, a moving target,” Argent squealed in delight, “all the better.”

He balled his hand into a fist and hit Hux again. This time, he drew blood; the skin on Hux’s cheekbone tore and a trickle of warm red liquid streamed down his cheek. Hux hadn’t had anyone injure him physically for years and it surprised him just how much it hurt.

“I’m feeling the agitation of seeing my lover in chains and tortured leaving my body. It’s so good, really, you should try it too, General,” Argent said with a grin and hit the other side of Hux’s face. Hux was getting dizzy. Tears pooled up in his eyes and trickled down the side of his face into his hair. He tried to remember how much a man could realistically take before he lost consciousness but his brain had taken a break.

“Ah, what a barbarian I am to hit you with my bare hands like an ape,” Argent said suddenly. Hux’s stomach made a somersault and forgot to untangle itself. “I’m hurting myself.”

Argent walked away. He rummaged through the cabinets by the wall. Hux wondered if he was still bleeding; he felt so sticky he couldn’t tell anymore. His right eye was closing as a bruise formed on his cheek. He supposed that meant his blood couldn’t be escaping him anymore; it was pooling up under his skin.

“Here we go,” Argent squealed in delight. He walked back to Hux and showed him a pair of leather gloves. Hux noticed his knuckles were bloody and hoped it wasn’t just his own blood.

“I heard you like gloves,” Argent said cheerfully as he slipped the gloves first on his right, then his left hand. His hands looked bigger, more dangerous with them. It was ridiculous of course but Hux had respect for gloves. Argent stretched his hand and the leather made the sound only new, unworn leather made. _They must be stiff_ , Hux thought, his mind wandering.

“Have you ever gone to take a look at your troops when they come back from a battle?” Argent asked, “have you ever seen the bruises on their skin, their split lips, their broken bones?”

“Obviously,” Hux muttered.

“Right. I heard you are very attentive,” Argent dismissed him as if he hadn’t really expected Hux to answer, “and have you heard the cries of the dying ones? Of those who just couldn’t make it into a bacta tank? Those who would never get even a bacta patch because they were too expendable?”

“Is this some sort of a test?”

“Yes, in fact,” Argent caught Hux’s chin in his hand. His fingers dug painfully into the wound on Hux’s cheek. “It’s a test to determine if you’re ignorant or cruel. Do you know how many men and women die and suffer for you? No? You are an idiot. Yes? You are a tyrant. What are you, General?”

“They’re not suffering for me,” Hux managed to say. It wasn’t easy with Argent’s grip on his jaw. “It’s for the Order. They serve the Order, as do I.”

“Really?” Argent tilted his head to the side, “I haven’t noticed that they could spend their time off in places like the Nebula Resort. Oh right, they don’t have time off. Well. Too bad. Ah, I have an idea. For every thing you have and they don’t, you’re going to get one hit. Your call where.”

Hux’s left eye widened in fear – his right was almost fully closed at the time. This was bad, super bad. Of course he lived in a lot more luxury than the Stormtroopers did. They were machines, cannon fodder. He was a General. He may get time off but he didn’t want it. And in his working hours, he worked a lot more than any of the Stormtroopers did. He wanted to scream this in his captor’s face but somehow he didn’t think it would do him any good.

“So we have one and moving on. I took the liberty of inspecting your luggage as you were sleeping earlier. I must say, I don’t think Stormtrooper’s diet consists of grand cru, handpicked tea. Or blossom wine from Naboo. Or, my personal favourite, chocolate. That’s a very expensive treat after the Yuuzhan Vong war. Is it a personal thing? Did your mother make you hot chocolate before tucking you into bed and now you can’t fall asleep without it?”

Hux frowned, as much as his abused facial muscles allowed him to, and remained silent. Argent had hit too close to home for Hux to be able to sneer derisively, and Hux wasn’t going to play Argent’s game. He could do whatever he wanted with his money.

Argent finally got bored of clutching Hux’s mandible. He looked at Hux impassively for a while and grabbed his hair, yanking his head backwards forcefully. Hux’s head jerked to ease the pull, his Adam’s apple hit the restraint on his neck, more tears sprung from his tears. His body convulsed in an attempt to even his breathing and for a split of a second he panicked. Then the bind around his neck opened and he drew in a shaky breath.

“Don’t try to escape,” Argent warned him, “I only removed it because I don’t want you to die on me just yet.”

Hux coughed a little.

“I don’t suppose Stormtroopers are given hair gel from Scarif. Or a shampoo from Bespin. Where do you even get those things?”

_That’s because their hair is always under those helmets_ , Hux wanted to say but he was sure he’d choke on the second, maybe third word.

“What’s the count? Six? Well, I don’t know how well you took your beatings at the Academy but for your sake, I hope you were a punching bag.”

Argent let go of Hux. A tuft of ginger hair hung limply from his fingers as Hux’s head returned to a less painful position; he let it drop to the ground. Hux coughed up a little more.

“Let’s talk about your clothes now,” Argent said and ran a hand down Hux’s torso, “I’m quite sure these materials are not usually used for Stormtrooper undershirts.”

Hux had no idea what fabric Stormtroopers’ undergarments were. He didn’t even know if they had any, the thought never really crossed his mind.

“They get armour with the best equipment the First Order has. I don’t,” Hux mumbled. His throat was raw and he wasn’t sure if he was allowed to add anything to Argent’s rant.

“Okay, point taken. You’re even on clothing,” Argent admitted. Hux was too tired and afraid of what else might be considered luxurious about him to celebrate this little victory.

“Now how about a Sith lord for a lover,” Argent said with a thoughtful expression, “they certainly don’t have those. On the other hand, who knows how long yours is going to last.”

Hux had forgotten about Kylo, between his pain and anticipation of more torture, he had forgotten about Kylo who was probably subjected to something even worse. Argent was very clever with his timing, Hux had to give him that.

“Oh right, your beloved. I almost forgot about him,” Argent made a quite convincing worried face and went over to where he had left his datapad. He brought it and tried to operate it with his gloves on but it didn’t work. He took the left one off and frowned at Hux who gave him a broken, bloody victorious grin.

“Let’s see how he’s doing.”

The screen lit up and revealed a figure crouched in the corner of a tiny room tiled with ugly greenish tiles. Hux recognised the familiar curve of broad shoulders as well as the thick mane of dark hair. He tried to see the damage the whip did to Kylo’s body but he couldn’t see much, the lighting was very bad.

“Seems like he’s thinking about something. What do you think it might be?”

Hux soaked up the sight of Kylo alive and safe and sound, at least to the point of having all four limbs and a head.

“Give me a guess,” Argent invited him.

“He’s thinking of how to get out of there,” Hux said immediately.

“Boring,” Argent mused and closed the tab with the video. Hux tried not to show his dismay.

“You know what, I got bored,” Argent announced, “you have eight hits, I’m sure that’s enough for now.”

“Seven,” Hux protested, quietly but resolutely.

“Eight.”

“It was six. Then you said the Stormtroopers and I were even on the clothing. And then you only said a Sith lover. That’s seven.”

“Ah, I see where I lost you,” Argent said in a manner that suggested Hux was an intellectually depraved individual and he himself a patient teacher, “Sith lover is for two. One for Kylo and one for his cock.”

“I’m quite sure it’s part of him.”

“Physically, yes, of course. But see, there’s the sex with the Sith lover. That’s the dick – one hit. And then there’s the rest – cuddling, going to fancy dinners, holding hands – you know the drill. And that’s Kylo – second hit.” Argent set his datapad aside, pulled his glove back on his hand and turned to Hux. “Now, we made each other clear, I think it’s high time we begin.”

Hux was thinking feverishly. Which bones were the hardest, which were least likely to break, which would cause the most damage to the attacker, which would hurt the least. But all his brain offered him was fear and the command to run away as fast as he could. Which was in his case not at all.

“I’m glad to see you cooperating at last,” Argent pointed out, “but I need you to choose. Or I’m going to choose.”

“My thigh,” Hux blurted out. He supposed his femoral bone should be able to take the hit and there weren’t any vital organs there that might tear and make him to bleed to death.

“Okay,” the kidnapper said and hit Hux’s thigh without a pause. Hux cried out in pain.

“Next?”

“Give me a break,” Hux panted. A punch landed on his right side, just below his pectorals. He gasped and instinctively tried to curl into a ball, pulling at the restraints.

“Next?”

“Other thigh,” Hux whimpered, trying to take a deep breath to see if his ribs were broken. There was another flare of pain but he didn’t have the strength to cry, still gasping for the air Argent had knocked out of his lungs.

“Next?”

Hux tried to open his mouth to say something, anything, but nothing came out. His mouth got hit then; his lips broke and he bit his tongue in surprise. Blood filled his mouth, he felt dizzy and sick.

He was losing consciousness and Argent knew it. He shouldn’t pass out at that moment, he shouldn’t fall asleep, he might never wake again but it felt impossible. Another punch came, hit his stomach and sent the contents of it back where they came from. Hux had only as much energy to turn his head to the side and spit it out.

The taste of it was overwhelming and mingled with the coppery tinge of blood almost made Hux retch again. It burned in his nose, his nasopharynx, his mouth to the point that he feared it would flood his whole head and dissolve his brain. He wanted to turn his face away from the yellowish puddle but he couldn’t. His eyes closed and he fainted with hic face in his own vomit.

…

“General, you disgust me.”

Hux blinked a few times to make his eyelashes untangle. They were stuck together with dried tears, blood and mucus – the place was acting up on Hux’s allergies on top of everything else. His eyes didn’t open fully but what he did see was enough for him. Several sensations hit him at once as his brain started to scan his surroundings. There was the sharp reek of bile just beside him that made him gag again, his throat burned, there were bruises and burns where the restraints touched his skin. And of course, the ebbing, omnipresent pain. It was the worst in his face and he found he couldn’t move his mimic muscles much. He felt his side too, and his thighs, his stomach. He hoped he would not receive the rest of his punishment now. He still had three hits left, at least he thought so.

“I should make you lick it clean,” Argent’s voice floated somewhere above Hux’s head, “I heard you were more cleanly than this.”

Hux turned his head so that he was facing the ceiling again. The stench of vomit was still in his mouth and nose.

“Aren’t you thirsty? I am,” Argent drank from a plastic bottle. Hux was thirsty. He wanted to wash his mouth and needed some fluids, his brain was already screaming at him for not getting enough oxygen. But he also knew Argent’s offer was a trap, just another step down the ladder to the pit of torment and despair. Hux didn’t know how deep he could go but he held tight onto the rung he was on.

“As you wish,” Argent said and took another big gulp. Hux closed his eyes and imagined squeezing his captor’s throat. He imagined slicing the man up with Kylo’s lightsaber. Kylo…

“Now, what shall we do next when we’ve refreshed ourselves?”

Hux was engulfed with the horror of not knowing what was happening to Kylo. He didn’t want to watch another of Argent’s disgusting videos, didn’t want to hear any more of Kylo’s screams but the uncertainty was even worse. As long as Kylo could scream, it was good. As long as he could scream, there was life in him. A memory came to Hux. He was maybe eighteen and he was taking a first aid class. It didn’t teach him anything important but he recalled the instructor saying: “If you see a bunch of injured people, don’t go to the screaming ones. If they have the strength to scream, they are not going to die for a while. It’s the silent ones you need to worry about.” Hux wondered whether he had enough strength to scream if Argent decided to continue with his torture.

“How about I tell you a story?”

Hux stared impassively, unable to form a facial expression.

“Okay, you’ll like this one,” Argent said excitedly and he pulled a chair to the side of the cot Hux was lying on. Hux wondered for a split second why Argent seemed so unbothered by the pool of Hux’s vomit.

“Once upon a time there was a boy. His mother was a princess and his father was a smuggler who accidentally helped overthrow a mighty Empire. Let’s call this boy Ben.”

Hux realized he had been foolish if he thought he could get some rest when Argent talked. For some reason, Hux had expected a story of Argent’s grandfather who lost his leg or maybe of his uncle who died when his speeder hit a building while a semi-sentient female was sucking his cock. But this wasn’t a story in which Argent would boast about something and let Hux take a break. No, this one was just a continuation of his torment, just another clever way of poking Hux’s wounds.

“Ben had an uncle who was obsessed with the idea of restoring the Jedi order that _his_ father, Ben’s grandfather, destroyed. Ben was a troublesome child, disobedient and prone to fits of rage, which worried his parents. They asked this uncle to train Ben in the Jedi ways of the Force and hoped Ben would grow up to be a nice little pawn in their games. Do you want to continue, General? This part is very good.”

Hux didn’t trust his voice so he kept his tired hateful comments to himself. Argent shrugged.

“Okay, I think you’d ruin in anyway. Ben didn’t really accept his role in this. There was a voice in his head telling him to reject his training and kill his fellow padawans, and finally Ben gave in. And he changed his name to show he meant it.”

Hux knew all this. Kylo had told him about the night when he killed the children, told him about the knights of Ren, about Snoke whispering in his mind for years. This was still okay. It was irritating Hux’s fear for Kylo’s life but it was bearable.

“Then Ben, who called himself Kylo Ren at this point, met an ambitious young officer of the First Order. They argued, they fought and they tried to win the affections of their superior. Then they started to have sex.” Argent looked Hux directly in the eyes and offered him the scary half-mad grin. “Care to tell me what it was like?”

“Good,” Hux croaked. His voice was hoarse and he was afraid of saying a longer word but this one syllable he could afford.

“That doesn’t seem sufficient for the officer to forsake all caution and break all his personal rules and fall for Kylo but hey, not my place to judge. There must have been something else that made him disregard the risks of developing feelings for someone.”

Hux snorted and his face turned into a grimace as he tasted the bile again and several scabs pulled.

“Either way, the officer grew very fond of Kylo. Dependent on him even. And then one day he found out that his previous fears were completely true because it turned out he had given Kylo the power to destroy him.”

Hux frowned. He had no idea what Argent was talking about but it seemed like they were getting to the gist of the story, to the reason why the storytelling took place at all.

“Oh wait, I spoiled you the ending!” Argent exclaimed, “how bad of me. I forgot to show you one last video.”

The screen was in front of Hux again.

“You see, we didn’t tell dearest Kylo why we took him. He didn’t know it was because of you. He didn’t know they beat him because of you,” Argent said slowly, repeating words over and over to make sure Hux got them. “No, he thought we took him because we wanted him to tell us some secrets or because there was something valuable on that planet that we wanted. Then we told him it was all because of you. He got angry.”

The video started and Hux saw Kylo again. He was masked and clothed; relief flooded Hux. Kylo was okay, he was alive, they’d let him go…

“I don’t care about him. Kill him if you want,” Kylo said, “I’m not going to pay for him.”

Argent made a little nodding motion with his head as if he was watching a favourite movie and waiting for the highlight.

“I can tell you things about him. Just let me go.”

Hux’s head was spinning by the time the video feed was cut off again. He knew he was foolish when he let Kylo have so much control over him. He knew it was probably just about the sex for him. Maybe not even about sex. Maybe it was just about having the power to control Hux, about the sensation of holding the General in his grasp. He knew all that and yet it still hurt him to see this. The way Kylo renounced him without hesitation… then again, Hux had no idea what they had done to him. Maybe the torture was too great to be worth giving a damn about Hux somewhere else. Hux couldn’t blame Ren for giving in to torture, he just wished Kylo would sound a little bit more shaken about it.

“I must say, I expected this,” Argent said with a shrug, “but I thought he’d take longer to break. How are you feeling, General? All alone, away from your faceless army, deserted and betrayed by the man you trusted. Do you still think you’re better than my grandfather?”

Hux wished Argent would shut up and leave him alone. He was barely holding himself together, the last link to life he had held onto cut, ripped into shreds. He didn’t need his torturer to spell out just how miserable his life was for him.

“I expected it to be more difficult to break him into throwing you under a shuttlebus. I suppose I got carried away by your pathetic conviction that he loves you as much as you love him.”

Hux felt like he was falling apart and Argent’s words were rubbing salt into the wound Kylo’s betrayal left behind. He felt like an idiot for ever believing Kylo could care for him, that anyone could care for him. Nobody ever did, not his parents, not the boys he called friends at school, not the men and women he worked with. Why would someone start caring now, especially someone who knew Hux so well, someone who had seen the darkest pits of Hux’s soul, someone who had seen the ugly things in there? He had been a fool. Their relationship was probably an order from Snoke. Maybe Kylo was told to have sex with Hux and hated every second of it. He had probably been waiting for an opportunity to get rid of Hux for months.

“Nobody ever really liked you, did they? They talked to you, they used you, they asked you for advice but nobody really wanted to be with you. Nobody asked you if you needed help, nobody thought of you when they made plans, nobody did anything considerate or nice for you. You may have climbed high and subjected millions of people but you are pathetic and hollow and the last slave in the Galaxy is worth more than you because at least they mean something to others. You are nothing but a burden, a monster to scare children before bedtime, someone to hate.”

Hux missed the restraint on his neck. He distracted himself wondering whether it was possible to somehow suffocate on it. Maybe if he pressed against it hard enough, it would shatter the cartilages his larynx consisted of and close up his windpipe.

“Do you remember how I told you you were valuable and that I could make money on selling you?” Argent waited for Hux to make eye contact with him before he continued, “I lied. You’re pathetic. The only money I’m going to make is when I write a novel about what a pitiful crybaby you are.”

“What do you want from me?” Hux whispered against the pain.

“I want to see you broken, General,” Argent replied, “I want to see you beg me to kill you. I want you to understand that you are unimportant and replaceable. And I want you to admit that you are a monster.”

“No,” Hux tried to say but it came out more like weak whimper than a coherent sentence.

“We shall see,” Argent said cheerfully and tapped onto his datapad.

…

Hux had no idea how long he had been there, strapped to a dissection table as if it was the last place he’d ever be in his life so that it would be easier for everyone if he died there and they could open him up to look at his black, withered heart. He was starting to get delirious; there were hysterical giggles just on the tip of his tongue and his head spun so hard and fast he wondered whether his blood was somehow replaced by alcohol. He assumed, from the way his head hurt and his throat scratched, that he had been captive for a while already. He had needed to piss but it ebbed away when his body returned the precious liquids from his urine to his blood. He would need to accept Argent’s invitation for a drink sooner or later, regardless of how terrified or humiliated the prospect made him. He was sure he didn’t want to die from dehydration.

Argent was sitting in the corner of the room, watching his datapad. He had earpieces in, oblivious to Hux. It was frustrating and infuriating and Hux was sure Argent knew it. If only Hux could think of a way how to use Argent’s negligence to his advantage, if only his brain cooperated…

All the silence and waiting drove Hux crazy. His heart sped up like crazy whenever Argent moved, anticipating another wave of torture. And all the time between the shocks, Hux’s mind kept laying out his most unpleasant thoughts for him. He spent a good portion of time wondering whether Argent had some way of knowing that Hux was terrified of bees, imagining what would happen if he did. Hux shivered at the idea, his body covered with cold and slick sweat and goose bumps. From time to time, Argent asked him whether he was thirsty already and when Hux ignored him, took a gulp from a bottle that glistened from how cold the liquid in it was.

Soon enough, Hux’s stomach reported its displeasure too and that was when Argent left the room for a while and came with a very aromatic meal in a plastic bowl. Hux felt half like retching again and half like eating his own tongue. He sucked on his split lip until he drew blood to get the feeling of tasting something. Argent ate his meal loudly and enthusiastically as if he had never eaten anything quite as delicious. Hux closed his eyes firmly and concentrated on all the discomfort he felt that was worse than his hunger.

Then Argent pulled his earpieces from his ears and started to play some game on his datapad. It was one of those that made a lot of noise that was probably meant to keep the player hooked but always drove Hux crazy. He didn’t play these games, didn’t have time for them, but he knew he would have turned these sounds off if he’d played it. He wondered whether Argent knew Hux hated them or if everyone found them annoying secretly but never said so in fear of breaking some sort of societal rule. And _stars_ , was it annoying.

“How are you doing, General? Comfortable?” Argent asked without raising his eyes from the screen and tapping it furiously, accompanied by frantic artificial clinking.

Hux was startled by the sound of Argent’s voice. His captor hadn’t spoken in hours – or at least Hux thought it was hours – and this sudden change in his approach didn’t mean anything good even if Hux was going mad from all the idleness and constant fear pulling at his nerves. Hux wondered briefly whether Argent had been researching some new torture methods since he was forced to release Kylo. Then the thought of Kylo betraying him was too much and he shut it down before it ate him alive.

“Are you sure you don’t want to drink something? I’m getting a little concerned for you, General.”

Hux was tempted to say yes. His head was splitting in half and his tongue felt like it had been dried with a hair-dryer. Then Argent took out a bottle filled with yellowish liquid and Hux felt like throwing up again.

“Okay, still not up for a drink,” Argent said, “how about we play a little game. I ask you questions and you answer. Truthfully. If I like your answer, you get a sip of this cocktail. If I don’t, you get a kiss from my little friend here.”

Argent played with a little knife. It looked tiny but Hux knew better than to be relieved. He wanted to scream but he didn’t think his throat would let him. His choices were either drink something that was most likely his captor’s urine or to get cut up.

Argent laid the bottle on the table beside Hux, plain in sight, and unbuttoned Hux’s shirt. Hux was painfully reminded of the fact that he was on a vacation. His uniform wouldn’t be taken off so easily. There was a crimson bruise in the middle of his stomach and a more purple one on his side.

“Answer me, General,” Argent said impatiently, “do you want to play this little game?”

Hux thought it through and decided he didn’t really want to know what would happen if he said no, so he nodded.

“Good!” Argent clapped. Hux remembered the comic book character again. “Now, to start with something easy… was Kylo your first?”

Hux didn’t like where this was going. Of course Argent would make it about Kylo. Of course. That was the whole point – humiliate Hux with the image of Kylo in his mind.

“First what?” he rasped, trying to buy time even though he wasn’t really sure why. Not that there was anyone he could hope would rescue him.

“Your first love.”

“Yes.” Hux’s lips were dry like they got in the middle of winter back when he still lived on planets with climate, and smeared with blood and dried bile. He saw Argent reach for the bottle and he almost yearned to get a sip of the urine. He didn’t care at this point. Urine is sterile. Argent could have made him drink his blood. Or eat his shit. Urine was fine.

“Your first lover?”

“No.”

“Have a drink, General,” Argent uncapped the bottle and laid the neck of it against Hux’s lips, carefully tilting it not to spill anything. Hux took a careful sip. It didn’t taste so bad, he guessed. Maybe his taste buds died. Maybe urine wasn’t that bad. It was quite clear as well, indicating Argent was well-hydrated. Hux supposed that was a good thing. There was some odd undertone and a hint of saltiness to it but mostly it tasted like water. Hux tried to get more of it when his abused, dry mouth cheered at the welcome hydration.

“See? I told you you’d enjoy it. I don’t know why you resisted for so long when you want it so much,” Argent shook his head and pulled the bottle away. Hux whimpered. “Give me an answer I like and you’ll get more.”

Hux eyed him with frustration.

“Who proposed you have sex?”

Hux closed his eyes for a brief moment.

_“General,” Ren is leaning against the doorframe. He’s wearing his training outfit and his skin glistens with sweat. His hair is pulled up into a lazily tied mess that’s too short to be called a ponytail, a few strands are curlier than usual, other cling to Ren’s face or neck. He looks gorgeous and he probably knows it, if his smug grin is anything to go by. “Are you enjoying the view?”_

_Hux freezes in shock, his hand still, absurdly, on his cock. He has been coming to this room that oversaw the gym to jerk off when Ren was training for a few weeks. He has no idea what the personnel of it actually thinks he’s doing but nobody made a remark about it which was all Hux cares about. Except apparently someone did talk. Or how would Ren know? And he does know, the way he stands in the door suggests he knew exactly what he would find. Hux refuses to consider the possibility that Ren found out using the Force._

_“Get out,” he spits when he regains his bearing and tucks his cock back into his underwear. His face is flushed but so is Ren’s, so he pays it no mind._

_“I could help you with that,” Ren shrugs._

_“No,” Hux hisses._

_“Yes,” Ren smirks again. There’s pressure on Hux’s cock, a palm running up down the length of it even though he’s standing a few feet away from Ren. He flushes a deeper shade of red when he realises Ren is touching him with the Force. It’s absurd, it’s weird and it’s turning him on._

_“Stop it,” he pants before Ren reduces him to moaning._

_“You’re right. I should do it personally. My apologies.”_

_Ren is on his knees in front of Hux before the General figures what’s going on, and frees his cock before Hux can say anything. So he doesn’t. If Ren is hell-bent on sucking him off, who is Hux to refuse him?_

“He did,” Hux said, coming back from the past.

“Did you just think about it?”

“Yes,” Hux admitted. Argent’s eyes widened. His breathing quickened almost imperceptibly.

“Here, have a drink,” Argent held the bottle to Hux’s lips again, hurriedly. Hux didn’t like the urgency in his moves, but he got his liquids which suited him just fine.

“Who topped?” Argent asked as he pulled the bottle away from Hux’s reach.

“We switched.”

“What? That’s not how it’s supposed to be.”

Hux blinked. There it was, the reason behind all this. Argent was a virgin. A very horny, very desperate virgin. Hux felt panic surge in his stomach.

“Porn’s not real,” he pointed out, unable to stop himself. His father always told him to keep his mouth shut whenever he felt like scolding someone in charge. Hux never learnt to heed that particular advice. Not even with his face bruised into a pulp.

Argent pursed his lips and pressed the tip of his knife against one of Hux’s ribs – luckily on the other side than his bruise was – and twisted it until he drew blood. Hux hissed. He had forgotten the knife.

“Don’t talk when you’re not asked.”

Hux figured as much. He didn’t confirm that he understood – he hadn’t been asked after all.

“Were you ever rough with each other?” Argent asked after a while.

“Sometimes.”

“Elaborate.”

“He held me in place. Choked me. Slapped me. Bit me.” Hux felt numb listing things that once got him excited. He just wanted to get it over with – unsure what awaited him afterwards but unwilling to imagine it. Blood ran down his cheek again.

“Were you rough with him too?” Argent had the glimmer in his eyes again.

“No.”

“Do you enjoy pain?”

Hux would have thought it was a tricky question – the kind where _yes_ got him in trouble and _no_ made it double. But Argent’s stance said otherwise. He was just lost in a fantasy. He wasn’t testing Hux, he just wanted to get off. Pathetic.

“Under specific circumstances. I need to trust the other person.”

“Did you trust him?”

Hux looked away and blinked rapidly to fight tears that rose to his eyes. _I loved him_ , he wanted to scream, _I was going to ask him to marry me. Of course I trusted him_.

“Yes. I wouldn’t let him get his hands on me if I didn’t.”

Hux wondered, as his answers got longer and more complicated, how much Argent actually understood. He sure wouldn’t understand his swollen-lips words.

Argent pressed the bottle to Hux’s mouth again. His face was ruminative this time. Hux sipped eagerly, the nature of the contents of the bottle forgotten.

“Would you really be able to fight him off?” Argent took the bottle away again.

“Not alone. I’d use others.”

“Your faceless.”

Hux didn’t feel asked so he didn’t answer.

“Tell me about it,” Argent’s eyes glistened, “tell me about Kylo tying you up.”

“You’re sick,” Hux spat. Argent made another little wound on Hux’s chest with his little knife.

“Tell me about Kylo holding you immobile and fucking you.”

“No.”

Hux knew he made a mistake but he wasn’t going to take it back. He was heart-broken enough. He wouldn’t put salt in the wounds by telling this psycho about the most intimate moments of his life. The liquids refreshed him and gave him new resilience.

“I’ll cut your spleen out and make you eat it,” Argent snapped. He pressed the tip of the knife against the top of Hux’s sternum and led a cut all the way down to Hux’s bellybutton, crossing the bruise. Hux thought it wouldn’t be wise to point out that was not how you lead a cut when dissecting someone. Blood trickled down his chest and stomach.

“I’d bleed out.”

“I didn’t mean it literally.”

“I did.”

“Tell me about it and I promise to bring you real water. And food.” Argent’s eyes shifted nervously, as if unable to decide on which to land. “Don’t tell me and I’ll hurt you again. I’ll electrocute you. Cut off your fingers one by one.”

“It seems like you’re the one being strapped to a table and interrogated.”

“You know what? Forget the cutting and electricity. I think I’m going to fuck you,” Argent muttered, “I’m going to fuck you raw and bloody. I’m going to make you scream in pain as you bleed out of your pathetic asshole. And you’re going to thank me for it and you’re going to kiss my boots. Because you’re nothing and I’m a God. And then, you’re going to tell me about the time when Kylo Ren tied you up and fucked you relentlessly. You’ll tell me because you’ll be begging for me to stop.”

Hux wished he were less in his right mind. He wished he were half-mad from dehydration and could pretend it was a hallucination.

“From what I’ve heard, it takes preparation to take someone’s cock up your ass without agonizing pain. Lubrication, fingering, time. Care. Well, breaking news – you’re not getting either. You’re only getting me, up your ass with one push. It might tear your perineum from what I’ve heard. Nasty.”

Hux trembled in fear by that point. He knew well how much it hurt to be fucked without preparation. He had learnt that the hard way, during his Academy years. Being lithe, gay and top of class was the perfect formula for attracting brutes from uptight families who couldn’t take who they were. He had almost pushed it aside, made his way around it. Healed enough to let Kylo have his way with him, trusting him completely, unconditionally, _blindly_.

“You know what it’s like, don’t you? That face you’re making… that’s recollection,” Argent stared at him curiously, as if he couldn’t look away, “was it him? Did he rape you? Were you his bitch? Do you _want_ me to fuck you bloody?”

Hux wanted to scream. That he loved Kylo, that Kylo would never do it to him, that Kylo was considerate enough to stop immediately when Hux asked him to, no questions, that Kylo made him feel like he wasn’t broken, that Kylo made him believe he could stop putting the lights out. But he kept tripping over a little sentence, over a couple of words. It was stupid really, how a single sentence could erase months and moths of trust and affection. But it did. _“I don’t care about him.”_ So he said nothing and prayed for a miracle.

“You can call me Kylo, if you want. I wouldn’t mind. How does it matter who fucks you over, General?”

Hux shut his eyes tightly and wished he could do the same with his ears. Kylo wouldn’t do that to him. Maybe he grew tired of Hux; obviously, it was bound to happen sooner or later anyway. But he would never do anything like that to Hux. He knew how messed up Hux was. He knew it took years for him to get over, to let anyone else touch him. Kylo wouldn’t do it, wouldn’t, wouldn’t.

“In fact, I think you should call me Kylo. For therapeutic reasons, obviously. To get over the heartbreak of his betrayal. He wasn’t worth your attention if he was capable of something like that, right?”

Hux felt pressure on his crotch and he opened his eyes to find Argent working his fly open. Hux tried to put up just a bit more fight, pulling at the restraints. It wouldn’t do him any good but he had to try. He wished he was at least a little bit Force-sensitive. He had always mocked Kylo for relying on the Force but he could really use it now.

“Shh, shh, you like being tied up, remember? You like it when I tie you up and fuck you.”

Hux felt like vomiting again. Why had he even answered Argent’s questions? It only got him into a much more serious problem than he was in already. Argent used it to get in the mood and was now getting to do what he had intended from the beginning. Hux wondered how he could know that Kylo would act the way he did, but then he scoffed. Of course Argent knew it. Anyone with a single functioning brain cell knew it. But Hux’s brain wasn’t functioning. It was clouded, hazy, broken by all the people who treated him like a machine, easy for Kylo to use it to his ends. Reaching into the void to hold onto anyone who would show Hux even a hint of kindness.

“Remember, it’s me,” Argent said in a deeper voice. It was ridiculous. He was probably trying to mimic Kylo. Pathetic. As if anyone could mimic Kylo’s voice. It was unique and disproportionate, just like Kylo himself. “It’s Kylo.”

No it’s not. It’s not. It’s not. Kylo would not rape him. Kylo would use him and toss him aside – he did have short temper and little to no patience – but he wouldn’t rape him. Kylo despised rapists, he told Hux he hated them. Of course, the guilty are always those scream the most, preachers who abuse little boys moralizing about purity, corrupted politicians condemning bribes…

Hux’s underwear was pulled to the middle of his thighs. He sucked his lower lip in and looked up to recite an old prayer his mother whispered to him when kissing him goodnight. He hadn’t said it since he was five, maybe six, but he meant it now.

_Bless thee, holy Mother of the fertile soil,_

Hux pressed his thighs together as much as he could, despite the restraints. It didn’t mean much and Argent just grinned like his birthday came sooner.

_I offer thee my prayer and my work’s fruits,_

“No, no, nothing’s going to save you now, General. You’re all mine.”

_I give myself wholly to your merciful grace._

_“Look who’s here!” a big sturdy cadet shouts. He pretends he didn’t hear and keeps walking, not daring to pick up his speed. Just a few more meters. Just a few more and he’ll turn the corner and be in the supervised corridor again. He thought he shouldn’t take the shortcut but he was so tired after the physical training._

_“Hey, fag,” another boy calls after him and there’s laughter afterwards. Three. He knows who they are. They’re the most stereotypical set of bullies if he’s ever seen one. Big, cowardly and afraid of who they are. They hide behind a mask of toughness and masculinity to hide their insecurities. He despises them and fears them, and he hates them fervently for that. He doesn’t want to fear them, they’re nothing, but he’s still scared whenever he sees them._

_“Where are you going? To a date?” The first one yells. He’s almost at the corner, almost in safety, he can make it, he can make it, he can make it-_

_“I said, where are you going?!” A hand gripped his uniform, too loose on his thin back. He’s determined not to beg. Maybe he might scream for help, yes, that he could, but he won’t beg._

_“Is your brain broken or something?” One of them faces him while a strong pair of arms hold him. There must be the third one somewhere, perhaps watching out for someone who might walk in on them. He’s in trouble._

_“Maybe you have to tackle his lower brain to make him speak,” the one holding him offers. He doesn’t like where this is headed. This is worse than a beating, worse than a robbery._

_“I guess you’re right.”_

_He wonders whether they wouldn’t do what they implied if he spoke now. Then they wouldn’t have to ‘tackle his lower brain’. It’s stupid of course. People don’t shout “hey, fag” at you and let you go about your own business._

_“Turn him around,” the one facing him says and he feels himself getting manhandled with ease, as if he doesn’t weigh one hundred and thirty pounds. His face is pressed into the other brute’s chest._

_“He’s really a fairy,” the other one says. He feels a pressure on the waistband of his trousers and then they slide down almost effortlessly without even being unbuttoned. He has always been too skinny for his own good but he never expected it to get him like it did._

_He tries to fight but it’s pathetic, ridiculous. He tries to kick and he almost hits something. Then he’s pressed against the wall, his face against the cold, hard_ _durasteel_ , _an elbow between his shoulder blades. He tries to struggle but he’s just hurting himself. Then a pair of rough hands spreads his legs open and he chokes on his cry._

There was a loud bang followed by something getting bent and torn into pieces. Hux looked around in confusion because it didn’t seem like the thing being broken was his body. Another loud crash echoed through the room and Hux had a fleeting thought that they were probably in a basement. Argent jumped away from Hux in alarm. That filled the General with newfound will to live.

Red lightning slashed through the door and Hux’s heart stopped _. Kylo! Kylo came to save him! Kylo was there!_ He almost cried in relief. Then the memories hit him. Kylo didn’t care for him. He traded his own safety for Hux’s secrets and didn’t even blink. He didn’t care for Hux. He was just another nail to Hux’s coffin, one last way to break Hux’s heart. The whole thing was probably scheduled; Kylo bursting through the door was a part of the deal.

“You!” Kylo roared and Hux was sure it was meant for him. The hate in the single word, the derision, the anger couldn’t belong to anyone else. Hux understood it, in a way. Kylo had always saw him as his inferior, made fun of him for not being sensitive to the Force. Hux never assumed Kylo hated him but it didn’t seem to be a stretch too far. Hux was easy to hate; he hated himself on regular basis.

“I’m going to slice you into pieces and throw them to wild animals,” Kylo uttered. Hux supposed his jaws were clenched judging by the sound of him. He wanted to see Kylo’s face for one last time, even if it was foolish. He wanted to have something nice to hold onto when he died.

“I’m sorry,” Hux murmured. Kylo didn’t look at him. He was staring at Argent who cowered in front of him with his hands fumbling with his pants. That confused Hux but he decided not to care. The sigh of Argent with his hands trembling in the air was amusing and satisfactory.

Kylo raised his lightsaber and slashed at Argent’s hands. They went off with a sizzling sound and a horrific scream. Hux was confused, scared and a little smug. Argent might have broken him, might have gotten Kylo to betray Hux but he should have never expected Kylo to follow rules, to obey. Kylo wouldn’t be tamed.

Argent stopped screaming and shut his eyes. He seemed to be in pain other than the one from his severed hands. Hux remembered Kylo telling him the lightsaber wounds didn’t hurt so much, at least not in the moment, because the blade cauterized all the arteries, all the nerve endings. A truly clean cut.

“You’re going to regret ever having been born,” Kylo drawled and Argent screamed. Hux didn’t exactly understand what was going on but if Kylo decided to kill Argent first, he would be happy to watch.

“Please, I can give you anything, please don’t kill me, please- “

Hux scoffed, despite his situation. Begging. They always started to beg and thought Kylo would spare them. Kylo hated begging more than anything. Maybe even more than Hux.

“Ah, and what would that be?” Kylo snorted, “What do you think you have that I might want?”

“I could give you credits. Ancient weapons. Artefacts believed to be lost forever.”

“What makes you think I won’t be able to take those when I kill you?”

Kylo made a few more steps towards Argent and bent over the curled figure.

“You’d need me to open the safe. I have to put in the codes and scans,” Argent begged and there was hope in his face. As if any of that could stop Kylo.

“Okay,” Kylo shrugged, “You’re dead anyway, I was just curious.”

“I’ll lead you there, I’ll give you whatever- “

“Shut up already,” Kylo snapped and Argent doubled over in another spasm. Hux was impressed and proud. Maybe the same fate was awaiting him but for now, he could admire the ease with which Kylo commanded the Force, the elegance with which he bent the universe to his will. Hux used to find it irritating, then intimidating. All it was now was brilliant and magnificent. He realised, with a dull ache in his chest, that he’d never wanted Kylo more than in that moment.

“Hux,” Kylo finally addressed him, looking away from the man crouched on the floor. Argent stopped convulsing and was panting strenuously. Hux gulped even though it hurt and he didn’t really have anything to swallow. Kylo’s voice was strangely soft, eerily contrasting with the way he spoke only seconds before. Hux felt his eyes watering. Kylo was obviously set on making it as painful for him as he could, making him believe he was loved before snapping his neck. Hux didn’t want the affection and craved it at the same time. He didn’t want the suffering to be even greater – if he were to die at Kylo’s hands, he wanted it to be as impersonal as possible. On the other hand, he struggled to soak up as much of Kylo’s rare gentleness before he moved on. Only then, almost as a thought of someone else, did he realise that he was naked. Bruised, bloodied and with his cock on display for anyone who wanted to look. There was no space left for shame in him. Kylo had seen it all anyway. In that moment, it was probably the least pathetic thing about him.

“Hux, what has he done to you?” Kylo reached for Hux’s face with his gloved hand, tentative as if he was giving Hux space to tell him not to touch him, to go away. Hux blinked a few times, willing the tears to go away. He wouldn’t cry in front of Kylo. He would summon all the bits of pride and dignity he still had and face death with it.

But he was only as strong and he nodded slightly to invite Kylo to run his fingers over Hux’s jaw. There was a cool sensation on his cheek and he wondered if it was the Force or just the leather of the glove. It wasn’t important, nothing was important when Kylo’s fingers trailed the curve of his cheekbone, studying the cut on it. Nothing mattered when Kylo was there, Kylo was alive.

“I’ll get you some help. Are you injured?” Kylo asked. Hux wished he would take his mask off. He wanted to see his uneven face again. “Hux? Can you hear me?”

“I love you,” Hux murmured out of a sudden. He didn’t know why he said it; it was stupid and pathetic and the exact opposite of proud and dignified. But he had never said it, never even thought about it until that moment but suddenly it felt like the most vital thing in the whole universe.

“I love you too,” Kylo replied and he brushed Hux’s hair off his forehead. Hux was suddenly aware of the pool of vomit by his head that he had forgotten about, of the way his lips were cracked in the corners, of the tear stains on his cheeks, and he wanted to laugh at himself for worrying about making himself look like a fool in front of Kylo by saying something silly. “But I need you to focus now. Can you focus on me for a moment, pixie?”

Hux wanted to cry again. Kylo was set on making the damage as great as possible. The nickname seemed sweet and made Hux feel loved back when Kylo made it up but now it felt tart in his ears.

“It’s okay, just breathe, okay? Breathe for me,” Kylo said quickly as he saw Hux’s reaction. Hux whimpered and concentrated on his breathing because Kylo wanted him to do it and maybe if Hux were good enough, Kylo would keep him for a little longer even if he hated him. Hux wanted to be good.

“That’s good, very good,” Kylo encouraged, “now, I’m going to ask you some questions and you’re going to answer them, okay? Try that out for me. You can just nod or shake your head.”

Hux moved his head a little, pressing his chin a little closer to his chest. It felt like bench-pressing a Star destroyer.

“Do you have a big injury somewhere where I can’t see it?”

_My heart_ , Hux thought but it felt like a too difficult concept to explain and he couldn’t convey it with just nods. He shook his head.

“I'm going to zip up your pants now, okay? I'm not going to hurt you.” Hux wanted to see Kylo’s eyes hidden behind the mask; he'd know if Kylo hated him if he could look into those eyes. They were always way too expressive.

“Hux, can I put your pants back on?” Kylo asked again. There was impatience in his voice. Hux's head was floating but he nodded again.

Kylo's gentle hands tidied him up swiftly and gently. He touched Hux’s chin very softly again to attract Hux’s attention; the General was floating away again.

“I’ll untie you now, okay?”

Hux nodded. Kylo’s hands released the restraint on his forehead first. He made a sound that seemed to be angry but Hux couldn’t tell what about his brow might upset Kylo.

“It’s okay, baby, I’ve got you. Just breathe. In and out.” Kylo’s fingers were back on Hux’s face and the General leaned into them.

“In and out. That’s it. Just like that,” Kylo praised and Hux felt almost content. He convinced himself it wasn’t a pretence, and enjoyed Kylo’s caress.

“Now, I’ll remove the strap here, okay?” Kylo tapped on the one over Hux’s right upper arm. When Hux nodded, Kylo released the restraint slowly, watching Hux’s face for any panicked reaction. He repeated the procedure with all the other straps until he freed Hux completely.

“We’re almost there, baby, just be brave for me for a little longer. Just a bit.”

Hux didn’t think he had any trace of bravery left and it troubled him. He wanted Kylo to keep up this illusion of caring for him for as long as possible but he just wasn’t brave, couldn’t be brave, no, he was a coward and he was broken.

“This looks ugly,” Kylo said and pointed to the bruise on Hux’s side. Yeah, it was ugly. It will probably hurt like hell too. “Can I inspect it?”

Hux nodded, hoping inspecting wasn’t just another word for probing at it. Which it was. Kylo touched the bruise and poked at it, eliciting a pained wail from Hux.

“I know, baby, I know. I’m sorry about this,” Kylo murmured as he inspected Hux’s ribs, “you’re very brave. Just a little bit longer and then I’ll let you have your peace. Just bear with me a little longer.”

Hux wasn’t feeling brave. But maybe bravery wasn’t always the same. Maybe bravery was staying conscious when someone checked your injuries, as much as facing your bullies was.

“I think one of your ribs is broken,” Kylo said. Hux thought he could hear anger in his voice but he was too dizzy to concentrate on it.

“Uh,” he puffed because he didn’t know how else he should let Kylo know that he understood.

“I’ll take you into my arms and carry you out to my speeder, is that okay?”

Yes, Kylo’s arms he could do, yes, that was actually a nice idea, warm and cosy. He nodded.

“Okay.” Kylo slipped one strong arm under Hux’s knees and another below his shoulder blades. He lifted Hux effortlessly and settled him against his chest. Okay, maybe there was bravery in getting carried around. His side caught on fire as Kylo moved him and he yelped again; but once he settled down it was tolerable. He took a fistful of Kylo’s clothing and clung onto it. When Kylo turned around with him, Hux glimpsed his kidnapper on the floor. His arms ended in black stumps and his eyes were full of fear. He was unnaturally immobile as if something held him in place. Hux looked away, concentrating on the pattern of Kylo’s tunic.

“You’re doing great, pixie,” Kylo mumbled and it came out soft and caring even through the mask, “we’re almost there.”

Hux held tight onto Kylo’s clothing and didn’t care all that much about the time. He was in Kylo’s arms, nice and safe. He would have never allowed anything like this, being held like a baby, but now when he knew his time was limited, he was happy to let Kylo carry him. And he was in a lot of pain so it was justifiable.

They emerged out of the building. The lights blinded Hux and he buried his face in Kylo’s chest.

“I’m sorry, baby,” Kylo said mechanically. Hux heard a speeder door open and he was suddenly sad. This is where the nice fantasy would end. That’s what Kylo said, isn’t it? _Carry you to my speeder._

“Now, lie here. They’ll take you to my shuttle and give you any medical attention you might need before we get back to the Finalizer. Just hold on, okay? For me?” Kylo told him and Hux heard impatience in his voice. He tried to appear unbothered by it but he couldn’t. Was Kylo really so cruel that he’d let Stormtroopers kill Hux for him? Hux whimpered and squeezed Kylo’s clothing tighter.

“I’ll be right back. I just need to take care of that scumbag, and I’ll come back. I promise.”

It sounded like an empty promise to Hux, like something he’d say when he didn’t plan coming back, but he wouldn’t beg Kylo to stay. He didn’t beg Argent to kill him and he wouldn’t beg Kylo to do so either.

Kylo settled Hux on the backseat of the speeder and pressed his fingers to Hux’s lips for a split of a second before turning around. Hux supposed he could have had a worse farewell.

…

They did take him into Kylo’s shuttle. He ended up on a bed that was oddly soft to be on a combat shuttle but he didn’t complain after spending time on the cold hard table. He supposed he must have fallen asleep because he didn’t remember how he got into it. There were some tubes sticking out of his arms and it made him almost giddy. He supposed it was hysteria; there was something bubbling in his chest and he imagined various kinds of poison coursing through his veins. He closed his eyes and waited for the end.

…

He woke up again and he still felt alive. He looked around and saw Kylo sitting across from him. It was a different room, a familiar one. Finalizer. _Home_. His lips curled up into a smile on their own volition, and he was happy and a little surprised that he could do so with ease. Kylo wasn’t wearing his helmet and his hair was plastered to his head with sweat in places. Hux narrowed his eyes to pretend he was still asleep while giving himself time to enjoy the sight of Kylo by his bedside.

They stayed like that for long minutes, maybe even hours, Hux wasn’t sure, time had turned into a jelly substance that refused to move evenly. Someone came to check on the tubes in Hux’s arms and he tried to keep his eyes closed and his breath even in a convincing way.

Hux tried to assess his physical condition. He was drowsy, thirsty and hungry but he didn’t feel like a wookie got angry with him anymore. He flexed his legs to see if his muscles hurt – which they would, after those hits – and was pleased to find just the pleasant pull associated with stretching your muscles after a long period of disuse. He didn’t dare check the rest of his body but he knew what he’d find. He supposed they put him into the bacta tank some time ago. He had no recollection of it, but then again, his last solid memory was of Kylo’s fingers pressed against his lips.

Kylo moved towards him. He took Hux’s hand and ran his thumb over the back of it; his fingers were bare and warm. Hux hoped he didn’t press against them too much.

“I shouldn’t have left you,” Kylo whispered suddenly. Hux tensed. “I should have listened to the Force when it warned me. I just thought the danger I saw was mine, I never anticipated you to get hurt. I’m sorry.”

Hux didn’t know how to respond. Suddenly, he was angry. Why was Kylo doing this to him? Why did he keep pretending to care for Hux? Why was he giving him false hope? It seemed incredibly cruel, even for Kylo. Hux pulled his hand away.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have touched you like that.” Kylo apologized promptly. Hux opened his eyes to look at him.

“Just kill me already,” he muttered.

“What?”

“Don’t I deserve a quick death at least? Do you really hate me that much?”

“What are you talking about?” Kylo frowned, “I’m not going to kill you, Hux. It’s me, Kylo. You’re safe.”

“You said you didn’t care about me. You told them to kill me if they wanted.”

Hux held the thin blanket between his fingers and played with it. He stared at his hands intently, never raising his glance up to Kylo’s excessively eloquent face. He didn’t want to see the feigned surprise on it.

“I’ve never said anything like that,” Kylo objected, “why would you think I did?”

“You can stop lying now,” Hux warned him, “I’ve seen the video.”

“Which video?”

Hux wondered how Kylo learnt to lie this efficiently in the few days he hadn’t seen him. He had always struggled with his lies, Hux could tell whenever he was hiding something or straight up lying. It was one of the things Hux liked about him. Kylo was easy, effortless, genuine. Hux didn’t have to fear politics and scheming from Kylo – the man had all of his thoughts and emotions written all over his face that he tried so desperately to hide. Hux learned to see the helmet as a good thing, as a symbol of his own uniqueness. Kylo hardly ever set it aside but for him. Hux felt honoured and smug about having seen Kylo’s face distort in all sorts of emotions, especially those he had caused himself.

And now Kylo knew how to lie with a straight face. Hux felt betrayed.

“The one where you said you didn’t care if they killed me. You promised to tell them whatever they might need to know about me.”

“I haven’t said anything like that. That must have been fake, whatever you saw.”

“Please spare me this act, it’s embarrassing,” Hux snapped. He spoke too loudly and he felt it in his chest. He wanted a glass of water but this wasn’t the moment to ask for it.

“What has he done to you?” Kylo whispered. Hux saw, from the corner of his eye, that Kylo was fighting an inner battle. He couldn’t care less.

After what felt like years of mutual silence Kylo stood up and left. Hux let out a relieved sigh but he didn’t really feel better. With Kylo gone, he didn’t have to be wary and watch out for any signs of his impending death, and his mind quickly started poking at questions he didn’t wish to consider. They gave him hope, and hope was dangerous.

Some time later, a medical officer came to Hux and offered him a cup of water, instructing him not to drink it up too fast. Hux forced himself to sip it rather than gulp it down and he was feeling better with each swallow. He felt silly for thinking this was the best drink he’d ever had, even more so for almost saying it out loud. He thanked the medic instead and requested more of it. He was given another cup of water and was asked a couple of questions. He answered some, pretended to overhear those he didn’t want to think about and went back to sleep. He thought he hadn’t slept this much during his whole life.

…

Kylo was sitting on a chair on the other side of the room when Hux opened his eyes. This time, Hux made it obvious that he was awake immediately. He didn’t wish to look at Kylo anymore. If he convinced Kylo that he didn’t care about him, maybe he would get bored and end it faster. Hux supposed he didn’t want to die – there was a vague, not very confident concept of it in his mind – but he didn’t feel strongly about anything. Things were just happening without his contribution.

“Hux,” Kylo said and there was a plea in the single word.

“Ren.”

“Are you still convinced I had something to do with your kidnapping?”

“I’ve never said that,” Hux raised an eyebrow, “I said you told them to kill me. And I get it, trust me, I do, nobody understands your hate for me better than I do, but I thought you’d have at least as much respect for me to cut the act. I know, okay? They showed me.”

“If I brought you a proof that I never said that, would you believe me?”

“What proof?”

“One of the assholes who held me. He’ll tell you that they took recordings of my voice and added it over a video of one of them in armour similar to my own.”

“I’m sure he’ll tell me he loves me if you threaten him enough. That still doesn’t make it true.”

“Do you want me to leave?” Kylo asked, tentatively, “If it would make you feel better, you know. If you’ll recover easier if I wasn’t there.”

Hux considered it. Kylo looked so vulnerable, so genuine and Hux wanted to believe him. His life was crumbling and Hux did, with the remains of his ability to care, want Kylo to hold him steady. He wanted to trust the big eyes he knew so well, but it was difficult. He wanted to, desperately, painfully, and he was too weak to deny himself the pleasure of being in Kylo’s presence. He wondered how he ever managed to command a whole ship when he wasn’t able to have a firm opinion on whether he wanted Kylo around or not.

“You can tell me if you don’t want me here. You’re safe. Just tell me what you need.”

Hux felt tears in his eyes and he blinked frantically to push them back. Kylo seemed perfect, safe, warm. Like he had been in the memories Hux held close when he feared for Kylo’s safety. He seemed steady, an anchor to rely on, and it terrified Hux. He didn’t want to be anchored by a person. That made it all too easy for him to get lost and drift away.

“I don’t know,” Hux mumbled and stared at Kylo’s chin, unable to face his gaze but desperate to show that he cared, “I wish I could trust you like I did.”

Kylo took a long, deep breath to steady himself. Hux expected him to come closer and touch him and was confused by his own reaction when Kylo didn’t. There was sadness and longing battling relief and Hux wished he could make out the meaning of it all.

“I’ll earn your trust,” Kylo promised and this time he stood up and walked over to Hux’s bed. He stood beside it, awkward and hesitant; he reached his hand towards Hux in silent question. Hux contemplated it and gave in, allowing himself a little indulgence since he was injured. He laced his fingers with Kylo’s and tried not to feel too much like coming home from a long, dreadful journey.

“Did they hurt you badly?” Hux whispered after a moment. Kylo didn’t pretend not to understand and Hux was grateful for it.

“I’ve been hurt worse,” Kylo shrugged and avoided Hux’s eyes.

“That doesn’t sound very good,” Hux pointed out, “can I see it?”

“I don’t want to upset you.”

“I want to see it,” Hux insisted, “please.”

“It’s ugly,” Kylo warned him but he turned around and began peeling off his clothing. He winced in pain and Hux wanted to stop him, to tell him it was okay and that he believed him, but he didn’t, staring intently as Kylo undressed. As he took off his undershirt, a webbing of angry crimson slashes adorned by blue-purple bruises peeked at Hux. Suddenly, Hux felt sick. He didn’t want to see more of this, didn’t want to be reminded of his suffering – of Kylo’s suffering. He just wanted… he didn’t know what he wanted, exactly. But it was there, somewhere, and Hux thought he might need Kylo to help him reach it. Or maybe Kylo was it. He was getting delirious again.

“Why didn’t you get it cured? It looks painful,” Hux mumbled.

“It is,” Kylo admitted, “it’s a punishment.”

“For what?”

“For ignoring the warnings the Force sent me and getting you in danger.”

“You’re keeping them because of me?”

“No,” Kylo assured him swiftly, “I have them to remind myself of my own shortcoming.”

“I’m sorry,” Hux said and looked down on his knees.

“It’s not your fault,” Kylo said, mechanically, as if he had been expecting these very words.

“I’m still sorry.”

“I know.”

“Can you… can you put your clothes back on?”

“Sure,” Kylo pulled his undershirt on swiftly, “is this okay or do you want me to get dressed fully?”

“No, I… like this. I like your arms,” Hux mumbled and trailed his fingers over Kylo’s forearms; he couldn’t reach higher.

“I like your eyes,” Kylo smiled.

“I meant it,” Hux said, watching his moving fingers, “what I said back there. I meant it.”

“So did I,” Kylo nodded.

“Did you really not say those things?” Hux asked shyly, almost breathlessly. He wanted to know, needed to hear Kylo say it, needed him to repeat it over and over until Hux believed it.

“I didn’t,” Kylo said simply. He could have said more, could have added: “I would never say them.” but he didn’t. It felt better like this, simpler, neater.

“I want to believe you.”

“I want you to be able to believe me.”

“Kiss me,” Hux breathed out, “please kiss me.”

Kylo wanted to ask for confirmation but he didn’t. It didn’t feel right and in that delicate moment a single word could be too much. They were balancing on the tip of a blade thin as a sheet of paper and Kylo was determined not to fall. He had let enough slip between his fingers. He was done with losing. He sat on the edge of Hux’s bed, placed his hands beside either of Hux’s shoulders and bent down slowly. He brought his face close to Hux’s until their noses were almost touching and saw Hux’s white, paper-thin eyelids falling shut. He closed his own eyes before finding Hux’s mouth with his lips.

Hux enjoyed the sensation – Kylo’s mouth that was way too big against his own, his faint smell, his warmth, his proximity. He felt like he could trust this again, he wanted to trust it, and his hand found the side of Kylo’s face, his thumb brushing against the scar that the scavenger girl had left there years ago. It had got pink and almost invisible with time but it was still palpable. Hux liked it, liked the way it made Kylo appear tough and older, how it gave him the aura of someone who could take care of himself. It wouldn’t have to be there; Hux had mustered up the courage to ask Kylo why he didn’t get it treated with bacta.

_“It’s a reminder of my failures. It teaches me humility,” Kylo said, amused, “I thought you’d like that.”_

_“Yeah, I would, of course,” Hux defended himself, “but it seems excessive to apply to your face too. Can’t you make an exception?”_

_“Do you like my face, General?”_

_“About as much as I like hot weather,” Hux smirked but he could see that Kylo understood him._

“Are you okay?” Kylo mumbled against his lips.

“I’m okay with my mouth closed,” Hux whispered, closing his eyes forcefully to make himself stop thinking of his captor.

“Hey, hey, hey, eyes on me,” Kylo pulled away and raised Hux’s chin with his fingers. He knew exactly what a bad memory looked like and he was determined to save Hux from them, like he would have liked to be saved when he had been younger. “Look at me.”

Hux did. There was panic in his mind and Kylo made sure to shield his thoughts not to pick up some of Hux’s unruly musings. The concept of knowing what exactly Hux went through made his skin crawl and he wished to hide from it, run from it forever. If he had to know, he’d find out from Hux’s words, not his mind. It would be horrible enough to know about it, he didn’t think he could take seeing it.

Kylo remembered the filthy human discharge that dared touch Hux. He remembered the way its bones snapped, one after another until it was too weak to scream. He remembered the way it wetted itself when Kylo pulled some nightmares from the depths of its subconscious. He remembered how it begged, sobbing and sniffling, begged for the pain to stop, begged for mercy, for death. He remembered how it threw up at the sight of its own intestines poking out of a wound. He remembered how it whimpered when Kylo sealed the cuts so that he could start again…

“You’re safe. I’m not going to hurt you,” Kylo whispered soothingly, pushing the bloody, rage-filled picture out of his mind.

“I’ve never kissed you like this,” Hux breathed out. Kylo wanted to laugh at him for being silly – they’ve kissed a million times – but it caught in his throat. Hux was right. There was something new about the kiss, a fragile endurance or perhaps a fierce delicacy. Kylo thought of the confessions uttered in the darkness and hopelessness, thought of the despair in them, of the raw, insatiable will to live and of how much he’d like to repeat them now but how the moment wasn’t right, how they weren’t ready yet. It saddened him.

Hux pulled him closer without their bodies actually touching. Kylo was crouched uncomfortably, looming over Hux in a posture that pulled at his back muscles. He wouldn’t be able to stay like that for much longer, his weak human form would betray him and break the moment, take it away forever like a sacrifice.

Hux breathed evenly and steadily and he traced Kylo’s lower lip with his thumb. He was almost translucent save for the dark shadows under his eyes. Kylo wanted to fill Hux up; he looked like there was a hole in him somewhere and his life was fleeing him and that if Kylo doesn’t find it soon and mend it, he would deflate and disappear. There were no visible proofs of the torture Hux had been subjected to now but the way his eyes were clouded, the way he reacted to Kylo, the way he flinched whenever anything moved when he didn’t expect it, hinted at something that reached deeper, lower into him.

“How did you get out?” Hux whispered. Kylo could hear the rest of the question that hung unspoken in the air between them, heavy and poisonous. _How did you get out if they didn’t let you go?_

“They went for a smoke and left me alone. Didn’t realise I was Force-sensitive, I guess. I freed myself from the shackles, waited for them behind the door, knocked them out and took their weapons. Then I found my lightsaber and left.”

“That easy?”

“They were really dumb,” Kylo shrugged. He got a cramp in his right arm and started to sit up when Hux’s fingers snuck into his hair and pulled, keeping him in place.

“It’s okay, I’m not going anywhere,” Kylo explained, “I just need to sit properly.”

“Can you lie down with me?” Hux whispered. His eyes looked deeper and darker than usual, highlighted by the weariness beneath them.

“If you want me to.”

“Yes,” Hux shifted until he hit the wall, “I think I do.”

“Okay,” Kylo arranged himself on the bed beside Hux, “can I put my arm on your stomach?”

“I...” Hux closed his eyes again.

“I won’t then. It’s okay.”

“I’m going to be even more pathetic now,” Hux mumbled and hid his face in his hands.

“You’re not pathetic.”

“I am. I don’t know why you put up with me.”

“Because you put up with me,” Kylo wanted to kiss the stupidity off Hux’s lips but he didn’t dare expose the ginger’s face.

“You don’t have to tell me nice things, you know? You don’t have to put up this act for me. I won’t go away just because you don’t return my feelings.”

“I know that,” Kylo said before he thought through how his words might be taken. Hux inhaled ever so slowly, as if another hole opened in his shell to allow more life to escape. “That’s what scares me.”

“That you’d be stuck with me forever?”

“No,” Kylo closed his eyes to concentrate on his words. He had never been very good with words; Hux had told him he was desperately inarticulate hundreds of times. “That I have so much power over you.”

Hux whimpered slightly but remained silent. He didn’t have anything to say to that. It was the truth, bare and ugly. It had just proved to be so.

“That you have that much power over me too,” Kylo whispered.

They were silent, motionless, afraid of touching the other and startling him for a long time. Kylo opened his eyes eventually to see whether Hux was still awake. He was, watching the ceiling blankly.

“I was so afraid of losing you,” Hux said finally, “I don’t think I’ve ever been this scared in my life. Or that anything ever mattered so much.”

Hux didn’t elaborate the thought because he felt like he’d choke on his words if he tried. He didn’t tell Kylo he was the first thing Hux had to truly fight for and earn in his life rather than just take. That he was the only thing that required something in return.

“That scares me too.”

Kylo wished he said something along the lines of _You won’t lose me_ or _I was afraid of losing you too_ but those only came to him after he’d said it.  
“Yeah,” Hux mumbled, “when can I go?”

“Soon. They’ve kept you here most for observation and because you’re you. The bacta did all the work for you.”

“Good.”

They lay still, one beside the other, afraid to move. Kylo wanted to turn onto his stomach but he was afraid of startling Hux so he swallowed his pain and remained motionless. It was a punishment after all.

“Kylo?” Hux murmured, staring at the ceiling.

“Yeah?” Kylo’s eyes opened as he woke from a shallow nap.

“Thank you for rescuing me.”

_Thank_ you _for rescuing_ me, Kylo thought but he didn’t say it aloud. “You’re welcome.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave me a comment what you thought, I need to know. This was so different from what I usually write, I'm a little insecure about the integrity of something so long.


End file.
